Connecting Is the Key to Getting What We Want

The first thing I want to be aware of before communicating is: How do I feel? If I’m feeling appreciation, I can quickly connect with someone. And if it’s appropriate, I will express my appreciation for the person I’m about to communicate with, being specific with what I appreciate about this person. But, if I’m not feeling good, then I’ll ask myself, “What am I feeling?” For example, am I feeling frustrated, embarrassed, scared, hopeless, sad, insecure, etc.?

Once I know how I’m feeling, I start off my conversation with my partner, or with anyone, by opening up with how I’m feeling. And depending on the reason for our conversation, I will take responsibility for the way I feel and express how my feeling influenced my actions. By opening up with how I’m feeling now, or how I was feeling, I’m not talking about what I’m thinking. I’m expressing my feelings, making it easy for my partner to connect with me. If I express my thoughts, I create a wall of separation between us. When I feel connected with somebody, I know we can connect with an answer or solution, if that is what we are looking for. But no matter what the purpose of our conversation, connecting always creates a bond that makes every conversation enjoyable. And this enjoyable conversation always brings the results I’m looking for.

Why does expressing my feelings without blaming and judging change how everyone feels? Feeling without a lot of thinking dissolves any negative feeling. It does this because I’ve stopped thinking, stopped blaming; I’m just feeling. It’s my negative or judgmental thinking that causes me to feel bad: the opposite of feeling appreciation.

Once I feel connected, the other person often feels connected. This is the power of connecting. But it doesn’t happen with thinking or talking; it’s about expressing one’s feelings. And connecting not only feels amazing, but it connects me with what I want, and my partner connects with what she wants.

If I’ve been feeling connected for a while, it’s unlikely we would be having a conversation to resolve some issue. My feeling of connection would have solved the problem before it even manifested. That’s how powerful feeling connected is. And the easiest way to feel connected is to feel appreciation.

So this takes me back to feeling appreciation. Problems come from not feeling appreciation and not feeling connected. Making a habit of feeling appreciation is the best prevention of problems in a relationship. This doesn’t mean that things never come up that we disagree on. But the communication to come to a mutual-benefiting agreement about something is very easy and fun when we feel connected.By being open with how you feel without blaming or judging, you release the limitations that come from judgmental thinking. Your real Self is very lovable, and this comes through when you are open with how you feel without blaming or explaining.

Communicating is about the feeling – not about what is being said between two people.